


Stick 'Em Up

by WordWarriors



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: (thats a movie from 2011 that did very badly), Antisemitism, Autistic Grantaire, Character Death, Flypaper au, M/M, Sexism, basically its a bank robbery au, ill tag the chapters theyre in and let you know when they come up, not e or r though theyre fine, nothing really bad just some good old fashioned prejudice, which isnt like explicitly explained but i tried to incorporate it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5550287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordWarriors/pseuds/WordWarriors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Grantaire is an easy man to please. He needs few things in life to make him happy. A clean workspace, things to keep him entertained, his meds every two hours, and right now, he needed change for a hundred dollar bill.</p><p>Specifically, he needed seven nickels, thirty one quarters, and nine hundred and nineteen dimes."</p><p>---<br/>a Flypaper AU for all your bank robbery needs</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prime Numbers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sarahyyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahyyy/gifts).



**5:45 pm, 1st Floor**

For a bank about to close, there’s a lot of people milling about. The doors swung back and forth as even more people entered. The short security guard sneered at a woman walking by.

“Make it quick, honey, we’re closin’."

However, the influx of customers was not what has Marius, senior bank accountant manager, stressed this evening.

“Well, this is unacceptable. Because I booked it yesterday. Yes, a one hour sunset bliss massage with Tanya. No, it _has_ to be Tanya.”

As he turns up the stairs to the second floor restroom, he lowers his voice so as not to disturb the conversation between his boss and the head of IT

“I need to know that this bank is secure.” M. Lamarque told M. Fauchelevent as they strode over to the main computers behind the teller desks. M. Fauchelevent was a man of a nervous disposition on most days, but this conversation was needlessly stressing his blood pressure.

“Just trust me, I’ve upgraded dozens of banks, it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t need fine, I need guarantees.”

“Max, you’ve got them. It’s a security upgrade, not the end of the world.” The two edge past Courfeyrac, one of their on duty bank tellers, as he begins ranting to his neighbor.

“I swear, Enj, if he keeps us late again, and I miss Girl Code, I will burn this place to the ground.”

Enjolras responds while continues helping the customer in front of him.

“Oh I hear you Courf, we’ve all got plans. M. Myriel, it’s always a pleasure to see you.”

Upstairs, Marius sits in a stall, still on his phone. “Look, I scheduled this massage a month ago. No, I need Tanya, her hands are like little jackhammers. Well, who _can_ I get? Jonathan?”

Silence falls in the restroom.

“Does he have strong hands?”

 

**5:45 pm, Alleyway**

A white van pulls up behind the bank, and three technicians jump out, walking briskly towards the rear of the van. They grab a lot more duffel bags than any electricians really need, and start ascending the rear fire escape. As soon as the reach the roof, two men scale the part of the roof that jutted up to cover the air ducts while one takes a wire cutter to the alarm box.

 

**5:47 pm, Front Desk**

Grantaire is an easy man to please. He needs few things in life to make him happy. A clean workspace, things to keep him entertained, his meds every two hours, and right now, he needed change for a hundred dollar bill. Specifically, he needed seven nickels, thirty one quarters, and nine hundred and nineteen dimes.

“Excuse me?” M. Enjolras looks confused at his request. Grantaire revises.

“Oh, you’re right that’s too many dimes. I’m gonna do one hundred and seven nickels, eight hundred and thirty nine dimes, twenty nine quarters and seven half dollar pieces, please.”

His eyebrows raised, M. Enjolras goes to grab some coin rolls, shifting so that a picture taped to his desk is in Grantaire’s line of sight.

“Is that Chile?” He asks

“Brazil.” M. Enjolras corrects, a polite smile.

“Ah, you what I’m never going to use those half dollar pieces; can I have one hundred and one nickels, one hundred and fifty seven quarters, and five hundred fifty seven dimes please.”

“Is this a joke?”

“No. I just have this thing for coins. I like their weight, I like their size, I like the way they jingle in my pocket.”

After a long look, Enjolras goes back to get the rolls of coins.

“That’s kind of weird.”

“What is?”

“The numbers you all mentioned. One hundred and one, one hundred fifty seven, five hundred fifty seven. They’re all prime numbers.”

Grantaire slid his sunglasses up onto his head. “No one’s ever noticed that before.”

“I work with numbers all day. You do that in your head?”

“Yes. Good trick at math parties. What’s your name?” Grantaire already knew from the nameplate, but this was the part in conversation where he asked this so it could carry on, and he wasn’t supposed to know. They had only just met.

“Enjolras.”

“Enjolras. I am Grantaire. Nice to meet you.” He stuck out his hand, that’s what you do after introductions.

“Oh- we don’t actually shake hands with customers” Enjolras offered him a tight smile, no doubt something he had to repeat often.

“Oh, right.”

 

**5:50 pm, Top Floor**

Several floors up, The technicians had successfully broken into the top floor, and had stripped out of their rented jumpsuits, leaving their proper gear on.

Montparnasse turned to the other two. “Cell phone scramblers live.”

 

**5:50 pm, Teller Desks**

“When are you getting married?”

Enjolras jolted up. “How do you know I’m getting married?”

Grantaire pointedly looks at the pile of white and silver boxes behind the desk.

“Oh, my wedding gifts.” He nodded, then went back to counting coins.

“That’s also quite a rock, are you marrying Jay-Z or something?”

“My fiance is well off, yes.”

Courfeyrac snorted. “Well off? They’re getting married in _Brunei_ in two days. Mine won’t even take me to the Sizzler.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes without looking at his coworker. “Courf, that isn’t fair, no one can take you to Sizzler when they’re studying new moth species in South America.”

Grantaire raises his eyebrows. “Oh, so she's rich. But is she happy?”

Enjolras pauses in counting to respond “ _He_ and I are extremely happy, thank you for asking."

 

**5:53 pm, Top Floor**

The thieves, having unpacked all their equipment, did a sound check on their Communication devices.

"Babet, check."

"Claquesous, check."

"Montparnasse, check."

Babet looked at the rest of the Patron Minette. “All right, we’re live, go weapons hot.” They all cocked their guns, and Claquesous opened the door with a remote clicker. “Alright, showtime.”

**5:55 pm, Teller Desks**

Enjolras counts out individual quarters, piling them next to several coin rolls. “And one, two three, four, five six and one makes seven. Is there anything else I can do for you today, sir?”

Grantaire drops the coins into his bag, and slides his sunglasses back on. “No, I’m good, thank you.”

Enjolras shows another polite smile. “Thank you for choosing Musain Credit International, and have a great day.” He goes to check his email when a shrill sound brings his attention back to his customer. “You’re beeping.”

Grantaire checks his watch. “Wha- oh, yes it reminds me to take my meds.” He pushes a few buttons and asks “Is there a pharmacy around here?”

Enjolras nods and points out the door “Two blocks up, just past the church.”

Grantaire shoulders his bag. “Very nice meeting you, Enjolras.”

Enjolras makes a small wave. “Nice to meet you too, Grantaire. Good luck with your whole thing.”

 

As Grantaire turns to leave, he notices a few things. He sees the security guard check his watch. Behind the guard, he sees a couple walk in, the man short and spindly, the woman tall and overweight. He sees two men in masks walk down the stairs leading to the main floor, both holding guns. As the couple struts around the corner, the woman pulls the shotgun sticking out the back of her shirt, as the man grabs the pistol tucked into his waistband.

 

“I think you’re about to be robbed.” Grantaire says, mostly to no one.

“Huh?” Enjolras looks up, only to see Grantaire leap over the teller counter and pin him to the ground, as both groups level their weapons and shout to the bank.

  
“This is a robbery!”


	2. Double Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after rereading the first chapter i realized my tenses are all over the place and im sorry but also it'll probably be the same in this chapter as well

“This is a robbery!”

As the simultaneous shouts echoed throughout the bank floor, the two parties swung their guns around to point at the other. The decidedly more prepared party spoke first

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”

The man tongued the chew in his mouth. “What’s it look like, man? We robbing the bank.” His partner chimed in  
“Yeah man, ain't it obvious with the guns and everything?”

“No, this is our job, stand down!”

The man spit on the floor before answering. “Well, I don’t see your name on the sign out there.”

His partner huffed a laugh “Yeah. ‘nlesss your name is Musain.” They both cackled before the woman continued. “And, y’know, given all the weird names parents give their kids these days.”

As the thieves banter continued, Courfeyrac, cowering behind the divider, kept jamming the black button screwed underneath his desk. “The alarm isn’t working!”

Enjolras, holding his phone up to his ear, shook his head. “No cell reception either.”

Back on the bank floor, Montparnasse was growing antsy. “What do we do?”  
Babet nodded at him. “Proceed as planned.” With this command, Montparnasse moved to slide over the teller counter, back to the room where M. Myriel was trying very hard not to faint.

Levelling his gun to Myriel’s face, Montparnasse said “Stop the security update.”

“I- if you don’t let the system reboot, the whole bank will lock down-”

Even though he was wearing a mask, Montparnasse’s sneer was audible. “Yeah, we know that, just do it or I’ll shoot you in the fucking face.”

M. Lamarque took a small step forward, as if he planned on getting between the other two men. “Now, hold on son, there’s no-” As he was speaking, Montparnasse slammed his elbow into the bank manager’s stomach, causing him to gasp in pain and double over.

“Do it!” the thief barked.

“Okay!”

Throughout the bank, all open teller drawers slammed shut, and upstairs, the small readout screen on the safe changed from a glowing green “Access” to a red “Secure”.

\---

Babet was becoming impatient. “You have exactly three seconds to stand down, or you will be fired upon!”

The taller woman leaned over to her partner. “Come on, P, let’s get out of here, there’s lots of other A.T.M.s

“One!”

The man shifted his stance and leaned over to the woman. “On two, start bangin’ away.”

Behind his mask, Babet rolled his eyes “I heard that! Two… Three!”

A shot rang out.

A hostage that had been standing with his arms up screamed as he fell to the ground

And then the shitstorm began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the wait!! getting back into college was super difficult for semester 2, and im sorry for the delay!
> 
> thanks again for any comments you all leave, i love love love them all!
> 
> also, ive updated the tags after rewatching the movie, because some people do die (not enjolras or grantaire), and some offensive shit is said, and im going to try and make it so its as readable as possible and still stay true to the story and the characters
> 
> also in the movie the low tech robbers are from like the deep south so… when they speak…. just keep that in mind…… (also the movie is on netflix if u want to see but also remember thats like. the quickest way to spoil the whole thing for urself)


	3. Peanut Butter & Jelly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in a day? whaaaaat
> 
> (i still havent fixed my tenses though. sorry)

Bullets flew across the bank floor. Babet and the other team both dodged for cover while trying to fire at each other. Shards of glass rained down on the bank tellers as the dividers were hit by bullets and burst on impact.

 

In the midst of the chaos, Grantaire slowly raised his head above the teller counter, while Enjolras and Courfeyrac shrieked.

 

As the clock struck 5 o’clock, the wire mesh that would keep customers outside the (closed) bank out, and trap everyone inside, started to glide toward the floor

 

The short man looked to his taller partner. “it’s now or never, J.”

They both booked it, and ran toward the descending screen. As they got closer, and the gap between the chain and the floor got smaller, they dropped and slid across the floor, aiming for the shrinking sliver to freedom. Closer and closer, until-

they slammed into the screen, now trapped in the bank, and scrambled to find shelter from the bullets still being fired at them.

 

Across the floor, Grantaire raised his head farther, and saw the man who had been shot, saw his prone form on the floor. “He’s not gonna make it.”

Enjolras yanked on his shirt sleeve, pulling him back to the floor. “Get down!”

Grantaire started running his hands along the desk looking for some kind of button or switch. “What do you push for the intercom?”

Enjolras had to do a double take. “What?”

Grantaire hit a button on the office phone, and the intercom made a screech before his voice rang out over the bank. “Hello? Hello? Look, I know you’re in the middle of a gunfight, but a bystander’s been hit, I just want to check to make sure he’s okay, okay? I’m coming out…” He pulled himself over the teller counter, his hands up. “Don’t shoot! I’m coming out!” He slid over the divider and made his way to the body.

 

Montparnasse levelled his gun at Grantaire and said “I’ve got a clean shot.”

Babet rolled his eyes. “So does everyone. Just stand down.”

 

Grantaire slowly walked over to the bystander, hands up. “Just wait… okay?”

 

The robber duo didn’t know who to aim for, and started waving their guns around, shifting targets. The woman leaned over to her partner. “This ever happen to you before?”

He paused to look back at her. “Hell, no!”

 

Grantaire, who had been holding his fingers to the bystander’s wrist, looked up to Babet. “He’s dead.”

Babet shrugged. “Look, sometimes that happens in these crossfire situations. Don’t make a big production out of it, okay?”

Grantaire stood up, an idea in his head. He points to the high tech thieves. “You’re here for the vaults, right?”

Claquesous looked at Babet. “Who the fuck is this guy?”

Grantaire ignored him and turned to the couple on the other end of the floor. “And you guys said something about going after the A.T.M.s?”

The smaller guy shifted the chewing tobacco in his mouth. “Maybe.”

Grantaire turned to look at both groups. “So then… What’s the problem?”

Babet couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you seriously suggesting that we rob the same bank?”

Grantaire shrugged. “Yeah… Why not? Just pretend it’s two different banks.”

 

Enjolras looked over at Courfeyrac in disbelief. “This guy is nuts.”

 

Montparnasse looked over at Babet with the same expression, though it was hidden by his mask. “Don’t even tell me you’re considering it. “

Babet shrugged as well as he could beneath all his gear. “Look, I’d rather not add any more murders to my rap sheet.”

Montparnasse was at the end of his rope. “For fucks sake, one of them wore shorts to a bank robbery, we gotta kill ‘em” He motioned his gun to the other robbers.

Babet turned to Claquesous. “I don’t know. What do you think, old man?”

“I’m with you, B. I’ve had my fill of killing.”

Montparnasse almost threw his hands up in the air. “Then why the fuck are we even carrying guns? Now come on, I wanna shoot the motherfuckers!”

“The guns are for taking hostages, that was always part of the plan” Claquesous reminded him, a sharp edge in his tone. Now we just have two more hostages, am I right, B?”

 

as Grantaire leaned down to take another look at the body, the tall woman leaned to speak to her counterpart

“So what’s our plan?”

“If they want to rob the bank together, we rob the bank together. If they want to kill us, we kill ‘em first.”

“Cool plan.”

 

Babet raised his voice, having finally come to a decision. “All right, listen up! We’re gonna take the vault. You two idiots want the A.T.M.s, that’s fine. Just stay the fuck out of our way.”

 

The relief in the man’s voice was palpable. “You got it big city! Rooty tooty!”

There was no relief in Montparnasse’s voice. “you gotta be fucking kidding me.”

 

Grantaire motioned to Babet and Claquesous.

 

“What? Now… What are we supposed to do? What does he want?

Grantaire turned to the other two men and motioned again. “You two, could you…”

 

“You want us to come over?”

 

“Yeah it’s okay.”

 

Slowly, four of the five robbers approached Grantaire in the center of the floor. He turned to Montparnasse, who hadn’t budged from behind the counter. “You want to come?”  


“Fuck off.”

 

Grantaire shrugged. Four out of five wasn’t bad. “All right, come here. Let’s introduce ourselves. There’s no reason why we can’t be friends.”

 

The shorter man slid his sunglasses off his face. “I’m Peanut Butter, and this here’s Jelly.”

Jelly looked at the other two robbers. “Now, those ain’t our real names.”

 

“Oh, jesus christ.” Babet moaned

 

Peanut Butter continued. “We wanted something that goes good together, and milk and cookies was already taken.”

  
At this point, Babet had had enough. He pulled his handgun out and shot at the ceiling, effectively getting everyone’s attention. “I want all the hostages out here, now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its a really shitty chpater ending but it was getting so long already and i figured it was now or never
> 
> what is that wire mesh called does anyone know? like the wire screen that storefronts pull down in front of the doors so people can’t just break the glass?
> 
> also thank GOD peanut butter and jelly finally have names there are only so many ways to write the short man and the tall woman. (they’re supposed to be the thernardiers but nicer? they were the only ones that really fit but theyre sweeties in the movie so it just feels wrong making them utter trash heaps of characters.)
> 
> once again, grantaire is supposed to be mildly autistic and i know that autism is a mental illness that presents itself in many ways, but if the way i wrote him seems off or disrespecful in any way, please know that isnt my intention, and don’t hesitate to comment and let me know so I can fix any errors!
> 
> also feel free to comment if ive done something good! or if you like the fic!! or anything really!! i love comments!!!

**Author's Note:**

> For Sarah, since she wanted a happy and I needed to get back to writing
> 
> extra:  
> -this fic is pretty heavily based off of the movie flypaper. like i have the script and the movie pulled up in other tabs right now. So i guess if you want to live a spoiler free existence maybe dont watch the movie  
> -yeah m myriel is the bishop i wanted to put him in there but i didnt want him in the robbery so he just gets a small cameo  
> -"just past the church" is another bishop nod he gets like a bajillion pages in the book he gets 2 lines  
> -okay so depending on what source you read Rs character either has autism or OCD in the movie and i am SO HERE for autistic enjolras and i wanted to fit him into that role but like. its such a grantaire roll so here we are. you'll see what i mean.  
> -on that note- if the way i am portraying him is wrong/inaccurate/ straight up offensive please please please let me know i am literally only going off the script and I dont know enough about autism to really spot any errors beyond obvious ones, and i have zero offense intended with my portrayal.  
> \- comments and kudos would be A+


End file.
